So, today was my first shift as a cashier ever in my entire life.

This is how it felt to be put in front of a cash register with real customers being unsure of how to even sign into the machine… on a Saturday.

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Okay… it wasn’t that bad the whole time…

It was really only the first hour that was horrible.

I took lunch after an hour of being at the cash register and I was so discouraged because it had felt like hours. It may have been the fact that I felt pretty incompetent. Or… it could have been the fact that my third customer that day just happened to work at a school. I told her I had done student teaching recently while I was waiting on someone to help me give her a discount for being with a school district.

She asked me why I hadn’t applied to be a sub or be in a classroom. I tried to tell her about how I was thinking about what to do without making this awkward for both of us.

We finished the transaction and she walked away and although I kept a smile, I couldn’t help but feel pretty incompetent in that moment– not just at being a cashier, but at life choices. I just wanted to get up and leave or at least be invisible for a bit.

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I don’t regret learning what I did as an Education major. But really, I have a four-year degree and if I got a job at a school I would essentially be the manager of up to 170 students. However, here I am just a cashier…

…which is difficult and takes skill… but it’s not really a career choice.

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I rung up a customer today and I pressed one wrong button at the beginning of the transaction and it affected all of the other actions I did. It messed up the transaction so badly I actually had to have a manager void the transaction for me so I could try again.

I felt like my life was like that transaction.

I made one choice four years ago to be a teacher and because I didn’t really realize that my personality type couldn’t handle something like that, I made lots of moves and ended up voiding my decision in the end.

I started over at the cash register with this customer and I was able to do it correctly. I just pressed the right button and I hope I can do that for my own life.

Doing jobs like this makes me miss certain parts of teaching– like having kids you see everyday and growing relationships and trust.

I don’t want to be a cashier forever, but it’s a stepping stone. It’s the void button I needed to push  from my last transaction– voiding out teaching was the right thing for me to do.

However, I can start again and press the right buttons.

Making a wrong self-assessment really affected my life, but it is not the end of my life.

I still had many more transactions to do in this shift and I have many more decisions to make in my life. I just need to never forget to try again when it doesn’t work out.

It won’t feel like this forever.

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