Okay… I didn’t lose everything…
It was just more like life decided to surprise me and I pulled a Nick Miller… like this.
After believing myself to be a teacher for four-plus years and then realizing that I would never truly enjoy the profession made me feel like I was starting over. I had lost a lot in college: friends, more friends, a career, a life plan, a dream.
Losing teaching was the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life. When you lose friends, you lose a part of yourself. But when you lose your own identity, you feel like you lost everything. You can escape friends, but you can’t just escape your body. Unless you became a ghost, I guess.
But there is so much life left to live, am I right?
When you lose your identity, it’s like you’re stuck inside someone else’s body.
And when people ask you why you aren’t who you were before you have nothing to say but…
Everything seems so foreign and you wonder why after twenty-one years of existence you still have no idea what you are doing.
It makes you just want to break out into song….
I feel like a lot of us have probably experienced this or will in the future and although it totally sucks to go through something like losing your identity… I feel like Lana Del Rey makes everything okay.
So, people who know me understand that I have a slight (major) obsession with Lana Del Rey (If you haven’t seen her blow up the paparazzi in High By the Beach, you haven’t lived).
Anyways, I really got into Lana’s music in a time when I felt like I was losing a lot of the stability in my life (which seems to be a common problem for Lana… Sorry, Lana.)
One of my favorite quotes is from the monologue in her music video for “Ride”.
“I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet, but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken. But I didn’t really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it to know what true freedom is.”
I agree with Lana that it takes losing a part of who you thought you were to become free…at least free to just be yourself. I had to break out of the box I had put myself in. Yeah. I’m not a teacher and that was really devastating to figure out, but now that my box is blown open, I can see the sky and that is my only limit.
And heck, I failed at one career. If I fail at a few more before I find the one I really want, that is okay. I lived the first time and I am happier than ever. So, sure. Sign me up for a few more quarter-life crises.
Catch ya on the flipside, readers.